I’ve been stuck on one word lately, and that’s choice. I really need to think about how I’ve been using that word. As an educator, I use it a lot! I picked up the phrase somewhere, and now I don’t know how many times I’ve told a child that, “You’ve made a bad choice when you chose to do ____.” What I’m thinking about now, though, is the realization that that child likely didn’t make a “choice” at all. Having a meltdown is not a “choice.” Going into fight or flight is not a choice. Being in red brain is not a choice, and even if it were, any choice made while in red brain has to be suspect. These kids are not choosing to come to school and have a terrible day, so how confusing must it be for them when we talk to them about the bad choices that they made!
So I’m reworking how I will use the concept of choice in my conversations with students. I’m going to reserve it for positive movements that a child might make; choices as to what they’ll write about, or what format their writing will take or what they might do for a well-deserved break afterward. But I’m not going to burden them with the shame of thinking they made a choice when they were really just reacting to something life had thrown their way that they just didn’t know how to manage.
Yeah. I’m thinking a lot about that too. Some behaviours seem to be more clearly in the “choice” category than others. If a child is struggling with ADD/ADHD then impulsivity is one of the hallmark symptoms. Can we say that child chose to throw his pencil across the table? Maybe not. But if that same child spent quite a long time making a paper airplane, then carefully monitored the teacher so s/he would know when the coast was clear before tossing it, then it feels like a choice.
Let us know when you come up with a replacement phrase! 😉